The loss of the greatest woman I have ever known

Yesterday-my grandmother passed away at the young age of 92.

She had a wonderful life and passed peacefully overnight.

She was in good health, mind, and faith-she had a very blessed, fulfilled life.

She seemed to be ready though-she finished all her christmas gifts, paid her taxes, cleaned her house, finished the babies blankets, and went to sleep Monday night.

She was a woman ahead of her time in many regards and I can only hope that I will live up to her legacy.

She wrote a book last year and had copies made for all of us in the family-which is a huge family BTW. It was a memoir of the life, love, faith, funny and hard times, and lots of pictures. I hope to share it with the girls some time and show them what they should aspire to be like when they grow up.

I was very close to her - I am of course having a very hard time saying good-bye. Per drs orders I won't be attending the out of town funeral and memorial. My family is sending sopies of everything, but I can't imagine not being there.

This is going to be a very hard christmas I think!

20 week update

Hi everyone! Sorry it has been a while since last update. We have been extremely busy with work, so now we can start to slow it down a little. We had our 20 week U/S and check with specialist this time as recommended by our OBGYN. They performed the very detailed U/S and anatomy check of all organs and systems. HEre are the findings:

1. Both girls weigh 12 ounces

2. Both heartbeats between 145-150

3. Both have 4 chambered heart and normal aortas

4. Both have all fingers and toes accounted for

5. Both have all other organ systems formed and look normal and functioning

6. Both ambilical cords are 3 vessel cords

7. Both babies are head down

8. Anterior placenta on baby A and posterior placenta on baby B

9. Cervix is 6cm

10. Belly measures 33 weeks and weight gain is 17 pounds

Specialist and OBGYN very pleased with all findings! Now we move to every 2 week checks adn 4 week U/S. We have ordered our cribs and picked out bedding thus far. My goal this week is to pick paint color, so I can have the room painted before the holidays when family is coming (so it won't smell so bad). I will post pics of the cribs and bedding soon. Below are pics of the girls and an updated belly shot.

Happy thanksgiving to everyone!

Team PINK!!!

16 week,1 day update.....

Looks like we are team pink x2. We are over the moon as both look healthy and are measuring 5 days ahead. My uterus is meauring 21 weeks and my weight gain is healthy and consistent according to OB. US today showed everything to be good, healthy, and on track! I had 2 episodes of "almost" fainting from laying on my back so long during the US-boy that was not FUN AT ALL. They said it is quite normal as the wieght of the uterus gets larger.

All in all I have been feeling well-normal pregnancy stuff, but nothing too terrible as of late.

Gotta run-I will be back later with updated belly picks and more info on what is up with us!

Screening results and misc thoughts

Well, screening results are back and are well within normal range. OB does not recommend anything further based on results unless we desire or we see need in future U/S. With twins, they only run the down's marker in this screeing, not trisomy 18 - we did not know this when we did the test-I only found out when I asked for the other ratio since they only gave me one. Sometimes, I feel with their office they forget we having twins until I mention it AGAIN and AGAIN. I hope that gets better-I am giving them the benfit of the doubt for another appointment. If they seem to not have it together again, I am not sure I will feel comfortable going further into the pregnancy with them not fully paying attention to details as simple as TWINS!

I received an email yesterday from DH-he is safe and healthy so far in remote South Pacific. They are working long hours providing medical and dental service to those who were affected by cyclone 8 months ago. I felt a little less anxious after getting word from him, so hopefully that will last until the weekend when I here from him again.

So, I have a question for you guys. I am starting to feel like this actually might happen-you know the live actual baby thing. I never have been to this point and it feels weird to be finally here. My question is: When did/do you start planning, researching, registering for all the things needed? We hope to find out the sexes in 3 weeks, so I know I will be able to "pick" things out better then, but I feel I am jinxing things by planning or researching "too" early. Do you/have you felt this way?

End of 1st Trimester Update

Well, a small sigh of relief. Our appointment went well today-the babies were very playful and showed us many different angles and faces. It was so fun! Here are the highlights:

1. We had our screening done for Down's symdrome and trisomy 18-the results will be in next week. The u/s part of the screening we were well within the range of what they would like to see.

2. Both babies are measuring 12 weeks, 2 days-slightly ahead

3. Heartrates are 146 and 152

4. Blood pressure normal

5. Sub-chorionic bleed almost resolved-although I have to have another Rh factor test to make sure that the bleeding was not from embryonic origin that would affect the Rh factor.

6. Uterus measure just at belly-button which is on track for twins we were told.

7. I have gained 5 pounds total thus far

8. Headaches, exhaustion, and heartburn are my contant companions as of late.

We go back in in 1 month for our 16 week check and maybe we will get to see "the parts"?!?

Below are pics from today- Linus is profile and Lucy giving a face to the camera. Also, is my 12 week belly pic!

On another note: DH is leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks on a medical mission trip to a remote area overseas. There will be no electrical, e-mail, or phone for 8 days of the trip. I am a little nervous for him and his team, but also about being here by myself wondering if something bad will happen to us while he is gone. I usually am not this much of a downer, but it is worrisome that I will have no way of contacting him if I needed. This will be a big lesson in faith that God will take care of us all! I hope these days go fast!

Fall approaching and 10 weeks down!

Well, it is almost fall here! The leaves are starting to change and it my favorite time of the year. My mom and step-dad are coming up for a week - I am so excited for them to see the colors. We are taking them to our place in Steamboat and for once I don't need to work!

Work here with the new practice is going super! I have 2 great employees and the practice continues to grow! The response from the referring doctors and patients in the area are thrilled to have me there full time. I hope I can work as long as possible to keep it going in this good direction.....but yes I am prepared to cut days down and out if need be! That is the upside to being self-employed I guess.

On the pregnancy front- I keep waiting for something bad to happen or for bad news. The wait until the next appointment is killing me-2 more weeks. We will have and u/s and our 12 week screening. They spoiled us at "the palace" by the constant monitoring, so to go an entire month is soooooo hard! ON the symptom front they are as follows:

1. Spotting has stopped for 5 days and counting - whoooohoooo - I hope I am finally done with the hematoma!

2. Nausea has drastically improved and the ravaging hunger has normalized to a degree (or I have just adjusted to it) - I still have problems with nausea with certain foods that I really like (like steak), but much better.

3. Still on pelvic rest until next appointment

4. Tummy starting to expand already. I just feel like I look like a beer kegger deluxe!

5. Off/on "growing" twinges and pressure

6. Frequent urination especially the 2-3 middle of the night trips.

7. Feeling fairly good! No real complaints today!


Otherwise I feel fine and can barely wait until next 2 weeks are done so I can see them again and know everything is on track! It is a good thing I have a busy 2 weeks with family in town and work-it hopefully will fly by!


Below are pictures from 8 weeks on top and 10 weeks on bottom- I finally figured out the timer on the new camera today!

8 week check and Sub-chorionic bleed

Well, nothing can be normal with me, can it?

I have had a tad of brownish spotting the last two nights (once each night and nothing all day or night after that). I was scheduled today for my 8 week exam, PAP, and u/s anyway.

Here is the outcome of my appointment:
1. both babies on track as far as growth, size, shape, etc
2. heartbeats 164,172 (right in range for the date)
3. uterus looks good except for subchorionic hemotoma near baby A on the cervical end

U/S tech and doctor said the size did not concern them and that most of these resolve on their own. They said unless I have moderate,heavy red bleebing that they don't need to see me back for a month. They did put me on "pelvic rest"-so no BD, excercise, lifting, etc until I am 12 weeks-this is actually standard for all IVF and twin patients.

I feel better, since i have not spotted all day and since they seem not to be that concerned about it at this point. I am still having off/on nausea, pulling/cramps, indigestion/reflux, and my pants already don't fit.

All in all everything looks great according to them, so I guess we must have faith and patience!

Please say a prayer for all of us!

Graduation

Today, we officially graduated from the"palace". I had my 7.5 week U/S and the babies are both measuring to the exact date with HR at 143/144 bbm (respectively). We are over the moon excited and can't believe we might actually be on our way to our family. I still worry that every appointment something won't be right or won't be progressing well, but as the nurse today said "that is a mother thing...the worry never goes away". We see our OBGYN next week for u/s, BW, exam and pap (fun). The all day nausea and hunger has set in full force this week as well as slight exhaustion. No real new symptoms other than these, but I am sure they will come. Bring em on, I say!!!

Here is a pic of today's u/s-they are positioned close together and to the right because I have a septum, so one is proximal and one is a little deeper (so they look a little differently in each view due to the depth of the shot).

So, please meet our"peanut gang" as B called them the moment he saw them-now lovingly referred to as "Lucy and Linus".

PRICELESS

4 Surgeries...
Ectopic...
2 IVFs...
1 FET...
Thousands of blooddraws and shots...

2 Beautiful heartbeats...

Priceless!!!

I am in utter shock and am super excited! Can this be true???

---Off all meds as of Monday and I go back in 1 week for a final US and check-if all good then released to OBGYN.

Down with the meds!!!

So today marks 5 weeks and I went in for my hormone check. Progesterone is way high at 288 and estrogen is also very high at 1989. Both are high enough that I get to start reducing meds to every other day. I go back Thursday for more BW to make sure levels are fine and they are thinking that I will be off all meds within 2 weeks.

I also had an external and internal U/S today. Due to my ectopic history with the last IVF and my OHSS this cycle, they wanted to check in on everything a little closer. I am so happy they are being so proactive this time!!! U/s went well-fluid from OHSS almost gone and no signs of ectopic. More beautiful than that I got to see one little gestational sac with fetal pole in right place(in my uterus)! For now, I am thrilled and am waiting with slight fear until I see that little flicker of a heart beat. We go in to check again in 8 days-very likely that we will see it then according to RE.

Symptoms thus far: cramps off/on, nausea, swollen/tender breasts, veiny everywhere, thirtsy. All are good signs that I happily welcome!

One hurdle at a time......

So Far So Good

So 2nd Beta today was....


347!!!!

So definately over the doubling mark, and hormone levels are nice and high. I go back on Tuesday for a hormone check and if that is still nice and high they will start decreasing my meds!

Hurdle #2 jumped, on to next one. U/S is set for Aug 21 at 6 weeks 2 days.

Oh, and the irony of this pregnancy so far- I took my first HPT on DHs birthday and it was the first postitive and our due date is on my birthday I found out today!

It must be a good sign!!!

Pregnant- Take 2!

Well, Beta today was 147 and I am officially pregnant. We are very excited and I am having some symptoms already. We are very cautiously optomistic since last time our world cam crashing down after betas of 120 and then 240, then the ruptured tube from an ectopic right before our ultrasound. My RE and nurse both called today and congratulated us-they are doing several more blood levels and my U/S early to make sure they cover me more closely since I did have the ectopic. The RE says my chances are very low since I have no tubes, but also reminded me that until we hear the heartbeat we do not know it is a viable pregnancy-what a way to kill my excitement and increase my already growing anxiety.

But for now, we are pregnant until proved otherwise!!!

The "kids" are in....

So, Yesterday was an uneventful 5 day transfer of 2 perfect blasts. Amazingly we had 10 more that they froze yesterday that were also perfect blasts. All is well-just on bed rest and thinking good sticky vibes. Oh the wait is going to be long!

The Good and the may be not so good....

The good news is 19 of 26 fertilized with ICSI and dividing normally this morning. They are planning a day 5 transfer on Sunday. YAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

The maybe not so good news is fluid on both ovaries is small but present. They and I will be watching for symptoms and signs of OHSS. We are all hopefully that my body adapts and takes care of the fluid on its own. So I am chugging the fluids and trying to stay relaxed and off my feet as much as possible between patients.

I will kepp you guys posted as we know more. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers for a successful ET, pregnancy and no OHSS.

Rock on....

Well, just back from ER. We triggered on Sunday - a day earlier than they thought. And the results of ER are.......
(keep in mind last time 11 eggs retrievd and 9 fertilized).
26 eggs. WHOOOOOHOOOO- I knew I felt worse this cycle. So we wait for tomorow's fertilization report. I have to go in tomorrow for an U/S to make sure fluid is going down and I am not having OHSS symptoms. SO as per the instructions I am going for a greasy, salty lunch, lots of fluid and a nap later.
I hope the fert report tomorrow is as good as today's news.

Getting close...

Well, so far IVF#2 is rolling right along. This cycle they doubled the meds and it is progressing a little quicker and a little better so far. My first IVF went very smoothly through the process, and this one is lining up even better. I was on schedule for ER on Wednesday but Dr.S is thinking Tuesday. I will know more on Sunday at my check. I have felt a little more bloated and emotional this cycle-I am sure it is the extra meds, but it is noticeable. This cycle I am not focusing on every little feeling, test, scan, etc and it has been much better for the sanity!Everything else is good here otherwise! Updates to come as we know more!

It begins.....

Well, I have officially started IVF #2! I started the Lupron and other meds yesterday-my follicle suppression check is next Thursday and I will hopefully begin the stims that day. I just can't believe we are already here again:(!

There is a part of me that is excited to get moving on the cycle because I know where it can lead - it helps that so many of my blogging friends are on an IVF roll and it gives me great hope!
But, there is also a part of me that is so scared......I think I went in to IVF #1 thinking it would work and never thought of it not working. I really did not know what to expect through the monitoring process or in the TWW after ET. Now...it is so different...I know EVERYTHING to expect during and after, and that makes it MUCH more scary going into it.

4 good things going into the cycle to keep my hopes high....
1. Clinic is on a roll!
2. New practice is keeping me very busy!
3. Last fresh IVF went ideal (except for the crappy ectopic)
4. Baby dream-I know to most this would seem weird, but I swear never in my life have I had a dream that I actually had a baby. Last night, I dreamed vividly that I had a baby girl and we were having problems naming her after she arrived.

I hope these 4 lucky things are my clovers this cycle!

So it begins....and I hope it is the beginning new life!

What is going on????

Well, finally I have a few minutes to catch you guys all up to date on us. I have been checking on each of you-know even if I don't comment I am wishing you good thoughts as I read! First a few thanks- A shout out to those I met in the group for the movie-you all give me hope and encouragement in so many different ways that my child (and/or children) will find their way to us eventually and it will be perfect! Also, a huge thanks to those 2 individuals (you know who you are) who so graciously surrendered their un-used supplies for the upcoming cycle.

Ahhhhh, THE CYCLE! Sounds so big-I am trying to take the laid back approach to this IVF and see how that works out for me. Honestly with all the new work things going on (see below), I don't have time really to obsess as much as I would like! I started my BCP last Friday and will tnetatively have ER on July 23 and 5day transfer hopefully on July 27. I will be on lupron, menopur/gonal F combo, and all the other lovely assortments of meds at appropriate times. I just did straight gonal-f (low dose) and had an "ideal" response according to Dr.S. HE is adding the menopur to see if it helps out a little with the maturation of the eggs a little more. So, please cross your finger, send me luck, pray, what ever you believe to work for us this cycle that we have a positive outcome!

So, work! We I have been busy. Left my job June5th, opened a new practice June 12. Oh my, there is so much work even after seenign patients that has to be done especially in a new practice. All in all, it is going extremely well, and for the first time EVER I feel home at work!!! I love it and it mine!!! It will continue to be busy during the growth phase with marketing, etc but as most of you all know growth is essential for the future. So even when I have downtime between patients, I am busy.

We also just returned from 5 days in Key West-B and I took some time to wind down and refocus ourselves -with all the work and life whirlwinds lately it was well needed. We came back tan, refreshed, happy, and ready to roll ahead with whatever comes our way next.

I hope to post more often, now that things are easing up!

Here we go on the next little path diversion of life, work, and parenthood- where will we end up? stay tuned!!!!!

Back on Track!

Nurses and staff members calling/e-mailing to get everything set up and on track. So Dr. S finally called today. He totally apologized and agreed that no one deserves to have gone through all the stuff we have with them. He said there was no excuse and that we had a right to wonder about things due to what we have experieinced with them the last few months since the move. I guess our "fit" got their attention - maybe they will shape up for everyone's benefit!

We also discussed what he thought was best for us this next cycle and we agreed. So, we forgive them - I mean they are "the best", so I will give it all another try for a chance at a baby!!!

We are on the schedule for a July fresh IVF with no PDG! Here we go again!!! We need some blessings and luck!!!

We are off to Toronto for our friends baby's baptism - B is the god-father. It should be a fun holiday weekend!!!

PGD consult and other gripes

So, B and I went on Friday for a consult at the Palace with genetic counselor. Consult went fine, no big realization that this will make my odds any better which I expected. The interesting part of the whole visit was our continued horrible customer service and bad business at the palace. Too many times with screwed up appointments, charges to our account that are not ours, lack of insurance filing, nurses switching, no one knowing what they are doing at all! I thought I was blowing it up a little, but when B saw it in full force he lost it! Dr. S was not there, but needless to say he got their attention. We have had several calls from staff and were told Dr. S would call on Monday when he returned. It is rediculous since they moved - I mean get you *&$# together people! I would be interested to see their stats since they moved. Our biggest concern is we have had this much trouble with them since they moved, what is going to happen with my cycle and our embryos? Losing the confidence here? I am sure all the staff hates us there now!

So, B and I have decided to do the IVF in July with no PDG. We are on the books - all depending on how the conversation with Dr.S goes - who knows?

What? Why?

So, I get a call from my nurse giving me the update calender and telling me that Dr. S wants me to meet with a genetic counselor to discuss genetic testing of my embryos. WTF? I have had an ectopic with IVF#1 and a failed FET, with no other fertility issues other than blocked tubes (now only one blocked tube) and am 33 years old. I only had 13 eggs last time which is what they expected and 11 fertilized with ICSI.

Why is there this urgency to discuss genetics when IVF went "SO WELL" and that I had "just bad luck with ectopic and the FET". He even went so far at our regroup to say "I am not worried - IVF will work for you". I called to ask Dr. S about this and he said (through the nurse) he just recommends this after 2-3 failed fresh IVFs - ok well that is not me yet, so why are you recommending it (another discussion with nurse). Dr. S (through nurse) says to have the genetics consult then regroup prior to IVF cycle in July and we can discuss and decide from there. He thinks the genetic testing will increase my odds and will tell us more about my IVf cycles.

Ok, 1st off - PICK up the frigging phone and call your patient and discuss these things - don't have nurse call numerous times and have to relay info they don't know. 2nd off - I still don't have the answer to why - is there something wrong or is this another attempt to make money (more consults and the very expensive genetic testing)? Keep in mind, the "palace" is doing the very new 23 chromosome testing - it is a freeze all cycle and a frozen transfer of genetically normal embryos (if any) @ 3months later (because it takes that long for the results and to recycle the body). Supposedly, it increases your odds but ok how much would it increase it for me? And if it is so new, how can you have relavant data to say it increases it?

I was all excited and positive for the next IVf and now they have freaking stressed me out and worried me about it even working at all. Anyone out there have any advise? Anyone do numerous IVF and a later one work without doing or being suggested to do genetic testing? Anyone have numerous failed IVF and then do a genetic testing IVF and it work? Any input, help, and/or hope would be appreciated!

Back in the Saddle Soon? and other updates

Well, it has been a few months and I have taken a needed break from blogging myself. Thanks to those who so kindly checked in on me - oh I have been checking in on each of you, but did not have much to say myself or the time to write on myself. So, here is a long awaited update on me and our lives.

1. After FET failed - it hit me hard emotionaly. I think it was the combo of it failing and also flashing back to the ectopic and loss in December. My meds and subsequent hormones were way worse with the FET and that probably did not help with my coping.
2. Endometrial biopsy - after 3 weeks of waiting and me having to call to freaking get the results - Positive for integrin - thus no Lupron depot prior to next fresh IVF. This means that I have plenty of "stick um" for the little embies.

The "palace" and its move has really ticked me off - many screw ups with appointments, money, and call-backs are not making me that excited for mapying and doing another round with them - but I keep thinking about them being the best - so I guess I will at least tolerate it for another cycle at least.
3. So, when is the next fresh IVF you ask? Well probably this July if nature cooperates. We have some vacations scheduled at long last after deciding to finally do something we wanted and not put it on hold another day. Also, the main reason is.....
4. I have given my notice at my group practice and open my own practice June 1st!!!!! This is an awesome opportunity and move and I am thrilled!!!! I will be putting in a little more time in the beginning but in the long run hopefully work less and make more!!! So the last 2 months, have not been focusing on IVF (probably a good break) but focus on building, marketing, and getting a new business ready to open. For those who have been wondering - I am a periodontist. What is that you ask. Well, I do bone and gum surgery in the mouth for health, disease and esthetics. I also remove teeth, place dental implants, and treat oral medicine patients (people who have lesions in mouth, dry mouth from radiation, biopsies, etc).

Obviously, the next few weeks will be very hectic to get ready for the opening. So the vacation in June and the IVF in July when things settle down sounded good to us!

So, all is good here. Lots of positive other things in our lives that we have been trying to focus on for a little while since we have neglected them lately. I feel I am in a much better place emotionally and physically now, and will be when we do the next Fresh IVF.

More to come soon......

What next?????

Well, still no call by afternoon, so I called myself. Another nurse I don't know called me saying Dr. S was in today and would call me later in the afternoon. He did! We discussed many things and here is a summary:
1) We stimulated well with fresh IVF on low dose and everything went smoothly with embies, gorwth, hormone levels, lining, etc - just ended up in tube. This tells us that we had a genetically normal embie (know this because it was biopsied when they removed the tube at surgery), we can produce embies, and hormones were not a overt factor.
2) Embies thawed well, lining and hormones again were perfect. This tells us that embie growth was good (although not sure of genetics) and my body allegedly cooperates.
3) Dr. S is very sad for us and somewhat shocked that we are not pregnant, since our only supposed factor was tubal factor (which is not anymore). He thinks we are just on bad side of luck or stats (whatever - can I have a break please) most likely, but will be a little proactive jsut incase.
4) I also like, Denise, will only have one nurse from now on who is BTW great - she called me after work to talk to me and console me for 45 minutes. She also gave me hope and encouragement.
5) Dr. wants us to do an uterine biopsy to test for integrin inadequecy - this protein is like a stick suction cups that helps the embie stick and begin to bury into uterus. Without it, no implantation. Since no embie has ever embedded that we know of in the uterus, he will be checking this before next fresh IVF. This is protocol if 6-8 embryos (no matter how many cycle it took) are transferred and viable pregnancy. He said since everything else is textbook for us he wants to test us early to save us the emotional and financial strain. If this protein is missing, then just add 2-3 months of meds and protein is built up artificially, and then normal IVF protocol. Dr. S just wants us to have that info prior to doing next IVf so if we need to tx, then it is not a wasted cycle.
6) If protein is normal (see #5 above) then he recommends genetic testing of embies at next ET. He said that if everything else is normal, this makes sense. Embies may grow and look good, but never implant or make it if genetically abnormal. He said they would implant genetically normal embies only if we had some, and we may have none or all of then may be fine. He felt since with IVF#1 we at least had one normal one (ectopic) then chance we can produce some at minimum, we just need to pin point and select those to make the odds better for us.

Bottomline, Dr. S feels that we have excellent chances of having a baby of our own soon - he would not encourage us to keep trying if he thought it was useless. He reiterated that every IVF cycle we learn more about our bodies/cycles that get us one step closer to a BFP. I am starting to see a faint glimmer at the end of the darkeness. We will wait for AF, then do biopsy 10 days after next ovulation - results take 2 weeks. Then, we will re-evaluate and make a plan from there. I am not sure when next fresh IVF will be, but I think it will be at least a few months- my body and mind are a bit lost and need to be found and returned. If anyone can point them in my general direction, please let me know!

No call -how rude!

So, I pulled my sleep deprived body to work today and luckily todays weather was beautiful otherwise a snowy, gloomy day would have been unbearable. So, as per nurses instructions on my fated BFN call - Dr. S would call me today early afternoon to discuss things. So, I rearranged a few things so I would not have to break away from new patients to answer "the" call in the afternoon. NO call from him or any nurse. So the hope that got me through work without breaking apart, the hope that would give me some strength to look ahead to trying again, the hope that he had some answers or words of encouragement that things would work for us ...is left hanging on a stupid phone call that was never made or a promise of one that should not have been. All I have to say is the nurse who gets my call tomorrow 1st thing in the morning better be ready for an earful - don't piss off a hormonally adjusted, IF woman who just got the BFN AGAIN, and gets forgotten about because she is not cycling!

Lucky? HELL NO!

So, Beta was negative today. I had been preparing myself for the phone call since my POAS was stark white yesterday, but nothing can ever prepare yourself for the call "I am sorry, you are not pregnant". The disappointment and progesterone have produced a wealth of emotions and self pitty today, just glad I am by myself to enjoy it alone. Where do I go now? I don't know who I am anymore much less what to do now. I was told my RE would call tomorrow to discuss recommendations from here, and boy do I have a lot of questions for him. All starting with, WHY?

The doubt sets in...

Here is where I always struggle in the "wait". With all this IF research and advances can't they just figure out how to implant the embryos in the the uterus and then you would know automatically that at that point you would be pregnant! Yesterday was a hopeful day - I felt the happiness and hope of "knowing" this would work and thinking ahead to when the u/s would be to hear the heartbeat. Not to mention my body toying with me with either progesterone symptoms or BFP symptoms, that my breast were more full and hurt going down steps (which never happens) and lots of lower abdominal cramping (which I also never have). Then this morning, WHAP and it all goes away - for some reason I don't have the same feeling of hope today, even though all my symptoms are the same. I am an emotional wreck todak - the doubt, depression, and even thoughts about what would be our next step crept in leaving me feeling uterly hopeless and sad. Maybe it is me setting myself up for this not working and it not surprising me. This waiting time is such a rollercoaster and it just plain stinks! IF is so cruel sometimes!

"and they Marched on the arc, 2 by 2"

Well, our 2 snowbabies -frosty and snowball survived the thaw and looked perfect, so good the RE said "they look like they had never been frozen". They did do assisted hatching and the little guys were emerging and both transferred with no problems. So, the snowtwins "marched into the arch" and are now aboard their 9 month cruise de Butler! Now we wait to see how they like the luxuary cruise liner!!

All systems go!

All systems go for our FET on Friday! Now it is up to Frosty and Snowball to be brave and endure their journey of thawing in hopes of a nice warm vacation spot in utero for 9 months! We wont know until we show up on Friday how many made it, which causes a little anxiety, I have to admit. I have not really thought negatively about this FET for some reason - hopefully the positive thoughts will lead to a positive outcome. What choice do I have really though? With IVF #1 - I never doubted that it would not work, nor did I think that I would end up with the situation we did though. Sometimes I think the unknown is the worst part for me. I want to prepare for all scenarios, but know I would drive myself crazy and be a wreck if I did. I try just to approach it one hurdle at a time. So, next hurdle is a biggy - who will survive the thaw?

Luck of the Irish????

So, I have never been so excited today that AF finally arrived - it signals moving forward with our FET #1. It feels like forever ago when we actually did our IVF#1 cycle. I am doing estrogen patches, baby aspirin, and prenatals up until ET , then adding PIO and progesterone cream after ET. I only have 3 appointments including ET if all goes well until beta. My ET is scheduled for March 7th, and our beta will be on March 17th (st.Patricks day). Will we have the luck of the Irish with us? I hope to God so!!!

Countdown to FET#1

Well, I am officially trying to get this blog going!
I am on the countdown to starting my FET#1 when AF arrives in @7-9 days. I feel excited and optimistic about the cycle due to the following: 1) Much less medication than the fresh IVF#1.2) I know what to expect this time.3) Easier to coordinate with my and DHs work schedule.4) IVF#1 was ideal and it worked for us - unfortunately ending up in tube, rupturing and loosing baby and tube.5) Spring time is hopeful - all things are awakening from a dormant winter and ready to show signs of life - which I hope is a good premonition!
We have snow-twins so we are praying that both survive the thaw and show signs of life, prior to transfer. RE feels good about FET and our chances - wow I just wish I had more to give us better chances at thaw, but all in all they are perfect grade blastocysts so we just have to have faith and trust God, my body, and the clinic.
My only negative is I will have to once again give up (or alter) my Starbucks addiction (just one caffeine a day! If that is the worst I have to give up for this (these) baby (babies) then I will take it